It's the Little Things.......

 I have heard the statement in any different ways from many different people.  "Every time I think I have it bad, I think of you and get really grateful."    Seriously?!  WTF, Why didn't just grow a pair of balls and say what you really think.   You really think my life is a suck fest of epic proportions and you are really glad you're not me.  Or at least that's what I take away from that annoying as hell statement.

Do people really believe a special needs parent is enough of a peon where it's just okay to tell them right to their face you think the life they have to live is bad?  Where has the support and tolerance gone in our community?  One can not possibly believe, or be that inept or self centered to think that  telling someone that their life is so messed up that you're glad it didn't happen to them is a supportive thing to say.

I know intellectually that most people don't even fathom that this might be hurtful or something that would make a special needs parent sad.    I had another woman this week ask me if I felt cheated.  Totally fair question,  and my answer was a resounding "no, I think my kids were cheated."  But this life that was designed by autism didn't cheat me because it is my normal.   It's my baseline, both my kids have autism I don't have anything to compare it to.  Do I think sometimes I was robbed of motherhood?  Well I am still a mom, right?!  So no I wasn't cheated of motherhood, I think that I a dream and expectation that I had of motherhood was changed, but no cheated, not at all.  Jealous sometimes of how easy mothers of typical kids have it, but no I don't feel cheated.  Left out, yes I sometimes feel left out because there are so few of our friends that are tolerant of our children, and most of our friends kids now look at our kids like they have 2 heads.   But cheated no, I get to care for my kids on a deeper level than most can or do, and it will be for the rest of my life.  So no cheated is not the word I would use to say how I feel.

I will tell you something about my life that is so amazing and awesome, that a lot of typical parents take for granted and never appreciate.  It's the little things..... Like when I said "thanks" to my 5 year old and he replied, "you're welcome" without the prompting a speech therapist, a behaviorist, or me.  On his own he spoke a reciprocal statement and I think I was over the moon about that for 2 weeks.  When my 7 year old was watching TV with me last week, and laughed at the appropriate place and at something funny on Nickelodeon - after I picked my chin up off of the floor, because I realized the huge amount of cognition just opened up and shell of autism that was just cracked, I smiled and cried happy tears for days and grew a big sack of hope for him.  I don't see parents of "typical" kids in awe of their kids for the little things. 

I have to look for gratitude most days, and do my best to work at finding the joy in my kids and the awesomeness that truly comes with their hard work and therapy, and I'm probably about 85% successful at doing that.  Let's face it, some days are hard, and I forget to look for the good, but I'm getting so much better at it   So to have people repeatedly tell me that they are grateful they aren't me, I will try to grin and bear the words that aren't meant to be hurtful but re-injure a broken heart.