What They Can Do...........

"There needs to be a lot more emphasis on what a child can do instead of what he cannot do." - Temple Grandin



It took me a few years to let this sink into my thick skull and to practice it in my life and the lives of my children.  I was so devastated and driven when they were diagnosed with autism, I couldn't see past the nose on my face most of the time.  I was consumed with how much they couldn't or wouldn't or didn't do like "typical" kids, I was blinded to see the amazing accomplishments that they accomplish everyday.

My kids have been in some kind of therapy or school for about 40 hours a week for years.  Sometimes down to 25 hours a week, but basically they are incredibly hard working and work so hard to learn the simplest tasks that most families take for granted.  For example when I hear a "typical" mom say that it took a WHOLE week to potty train their kids, I basically want to sock them in the face.  

We've been working on potty training for about 5 YEARS!  But in the last couple months we have reached such amazing milestones with it, I'm ecstatic.  I will leave out that I have to basically clean up and bleach an entire bathroom after he poops in it, and tries to clean himself......... He isn't in a diaper anymore, and that was the CAN DO, I have been working for.

We have been rigorously working at desensitizing my kids to the beach for about 4 years, and every spring and summer for the last 4 years, I would watch my friends go to the beach with their kids and frolic in the ocean and spend a day making castles and I was envious and jealous and so sad because I thought we would never see that day.  My kids would panic and tantrum when I would get south enough on the freeway that they could see the ocean, the panic and tantrums would start.  We couldn't drive on Pacific Coast Highway, for the love of God, we live in Orange County California, how are you expected to never go on PCH?????  Well this summer it happened, after hours of work, therapy, blood, sweat, tantrums and tears, my kids are going to the beach, and LOVING IT!!!  THEY CAN DO THIS!!! THEY CAN DO THIS!!!

We have worked for years many hours every week on so many different things, and it's so much easier for me to feel sorry for myself and them and look at the differences and the "can't" and the "don't" and the "won't" - just because I think to a certain degree it's expected from moms of children with special needs.  Well I'm sort of over the victim mentality, it hurts my head, my body and my soul.

My kids can do some amazing things, that to most people and children might not seem spectacular, but after the amount of work my kids put into something to accomplish it, I'm in awe of the incredible things they can do.  

My younger son READS every sign and book and truck, and paper that comes in front of his face, before he is in Kindergarten, 

My older son, can climb a mountain, and swim to Catalina, and he smiles and laughs and loves us!

My younger son, wants to hug and say hi to everyone that he sees, and some people find that annoying, and some kids are rude to him because of it, and he is starting to get hurt feelings when kids aren't nice to him.  Even though it's not my favorite thing, it's a huge accomplishment for a child with autism, to recognize his feelings, and to know that he isn't being treated like he should be.

My older son loves to be outdoors and will hike, swim, walk and play happily for the most part, without the typical 7 year old whining that goes along with being alone.  He will entertain himself and enjoy nature without a toys and the distractions that so many other kids need to just be at peace.  

My older son, while he can not speak, he is learning to communicate through a device, that just is opening a world to us and to him, we did not think was possible, and it is changing all of our lives.

We are building a life for our boys on this foundation that is autism, and all of the therapy, school, work and exposure to things are what is strengthening them as people, and helping their autism.  I know their autism is never going to go away, but I have hope and know that there is nowhere to go but up and they are always going to be a work in progress.  We have no room to be complacent, and lazy, to keep them at a place where they are always moving forward and learning, we need to always be working, and always be looking at their strengths, and building on what they CAN do and making a conscious effort to NOT focus on what they CAN'T do.  It's friggin depressing, if I spend everyday looking at all the can't do's and don't do's and the won't do's  in our lives, I'd never muster the energy to even get out of bed.  So a change of thinking is what is happening to me now.  Acceptance is the key, autism is the lock and I have accepted the autism and all the comes with it, good and bad, and for today at least I'm looking at how far we have come, and excited about the successes we are having lately.

We CAN go to the beach today, so we are - PEACE OUT - xoxoxo